Not every day but most days that summer I went calmly and quietly and climbed to the sixth floor of the library and walked not fast and not slow but with purpose down the last row and reached almost without looking to the same place on the shelf and pulled out the large book and carried it to a chair that looks out toward the ridge, to a mountain that is there, whether it is or it isn’t, the mountain people love, maybe for this, love and die with all their love, trying, and I opened to the page where I left off before, and sometimes the library announced it was closing, sometimes I got hungry, sometimes it looked like rain, and I’d close the book and carry it again, with purpose, back to its exact place on the shelf, and I’d walk down the stairs and out of the building, and it was like I’d left it ticking.
Folks would talk about it, and even after I lived in that mountain town months, a year, even after getting close with the girl from the pharmacy, guys from the woods, I did not know. I waited to somehow divine what it was. Be invited. Still I imagine a great expanse, a meadow, high above the town, of tiny flowers, like lovers on their backs, looking up.