Growing Up Banana

how I learned what they say 

when no black people are around. 



what made ordering at sizzler 

less gawk fest for my family. 



which gave me access 

contrary to the world of 80s sitcom. 



that I used like a tourist 

who thinks they can move somewhere

after a nice weekend. 



getting clowned for your eyes 

at the sleepover 

feels like being seen to the invisible. 



which is better than 

being esl ridiculed daily. 



which is better than 

being blamed for the auto industry. 



which is better than 

being a walking enemy of war. 



which is the lie I kept scribbling 

in my journal, 



          unaware I was writing 

          a postdated letter to my younger self 

          on how to discern 

                           between survival & fulfillment.