how I learned what they say 
when no black people are around. 

what made ordering at sizzler 
less gawk fest for my family. 

which gave me access 
contrary to the world of 80s sitcom. 

that I used like a tourist 
who thinks they can move somewhere
after a nice weekend. 

getting clowned for your eyes 
at the sleepover 
feels like being seen to the invisible. 

which is better than 
being esl ridiculed daily. 

which is better than 
being blamed for the auto industry. 

which is better than 
being a walking enemy of war. 

which is the lie I kept scribbling 
in my journal, 

          unaware I was writing 
          a postdated letter to my younger self 
          on how to discern 
                           between survival & fulfillment.