Dear Buffalo, Dear Zeta or To a Few of My Dead or Nearly Dead Tíos

I see my dead father's face in your face.

My furled eyebrow, these puffed cheeks

weep into a pillow of inherited hands.

Tío, I still don't know what to do

with this buffalo body. I crush tea cups

every time I raise them to my pursed lips.

How do I tenderize the meat on my bones?

This morning, I dry heaved a vat of foam

into a toilet in Tampa and found no art in it.

Who tells us we deserve to die?

Tío, you, the one with a brown beret,

who saw the hydrogen bomb blow

from an aircraft carrier at Bikini Island,

the one with Hep C and a quiet wife,

I don't know if you're still alive,

but I pray this world has softened

you with its firm kneading hands,

that you are still able to ride you bike

up Homsy to the liquor store on Cedar

and can still reach the oranges in the yard.

Tío, mi tío, when you wet the bed,

is it still my tia's job to change the sheets?

From the kitchen, I see the twelve foot spear

over the maguey. I see its fresh blooms

and know it is about to die. I wonder

if it is better to disappear into Aztlán

or Mazatlán or Mazapan the way you did

or stay in Prather or Marysville and slowly fade

into a sofa chair and reruns of Bonanza.

Is there honor in being shot and skinned? like Ruben?

Hacked up in a hospital for lymphoma research? 

Poked and drained with the swollen face of a failed liver?

How many more fists will be raised until we can no longer,

or better yet, don't have to? I'm tired of thinking these things.

Come back, Tio, or whatever. My mom saved you a plate.

The street dump came by and I got rid of Grandpa's clothes.

I found your mesh t-shirt here and I've been wearing it.