The psychotherapist has a sad dove dying in his eye. He looks at the light like wood holding fire in it reflected in small caves and tells me there is a window where love weeps over what it cannot know. The dove's trembling, flickering like a sun alone in the dark nest of his face, and the psychotherapist is saying, there is nothing like losing your Self for a Demon. We walk in to each other as into a museum, and our portraits gleam. This sounds like he's saying our deaths are old, they may not even belong to us. In the end, our meeting is just the fantasy we've been looking for all along. Yes, Yes, I say, I've come here to burn for you all my illusions. Yes, I say, I can see you for who you are like I can see the mother huddling her chicks in the sea cliff in your inkblot, before she pecks their eyes large as blood grapes and eats them alive, the storm clouds rupturing that purple slag of lightning. What I want is to hold you like a bell holds space between the hours. What I want is to get back one with the other, self with dove, desire with the storm inside that destroys absence like a murderous blood. What I want is a therapy like a first love—merciless fascination—my eyes looking in like the crazed bells of silence to startle the mortal coil. This romance of self you can't escape, and you don't want to.
Year of the Tiger
This new Chinese New Year we were in a film
Holding hands and daring each other
To close our eyes in the surrounding mayhem
On one beautiful hell of a dancefloor
In memory, in black-and-white
Two strangers clutching in a crowd. Like close-ups
By Fellini, the drunk midget and the wounded
Cripple dancing on a cane,
The pit-roasted pig with its pineapple glaze,
Nothing but the excrement
Of blissful minutes, budsmoke, temporary inebriation
The rooftop clamor at last
Falling off the cliffside of a starry abyss
And braceleted Madonna in 1983
Still digitally singing, you must be
My lucky star, cuz you shine on me
Wherever you are—and I can feel it
That splendid nothingness of wine and vicodin
Like someone hypnotized by the fireworks
Of being alive inside an accident
Like this body—
A sickness that feels the same as a cliché.
Let’s get out of here, I say, and kiss you
To celebrate the darkening
Damaged miraculous happiness—
To enter the opening coffin-like fact of each other.
For no reason some night happening to me
Is happening to me. O my lucky fucking
Star, I want to use
Your sweaty machinery. We are infinite
Tonight! We’ll never wake to touch like this again.