Age of Beauty
This is not an age of beauty,
I say to the Rite-Aid as I pass a knee-high plastic witch
whose speaker-box laugh is tripped by my calf
breaking the invisible line cast by her motion
sensor. My heart believes it is a muscle
of love, so how do I tell it it is a muscle of blood?
This morning, I found myself
awake before my alarm & felt I’d been betrayed
by someone. My sleep is as thin as a paper bill
backed by black bars of coal that iridesce
indigo in the federal reserve of
dreams. Look, I said to the horse’s
head I saw severed & then set on the ground, the soft
tissue of the cheek & crown cleaved with a necropsy
knife until the skull was visible. You look more
horse than the horses
with names & quilted coats in the pasture, grazing unbothered
by your body in pieces, steaming
against the drizzle. You once had a name
that filled your ears like amphitheaters,
that caused an electrical
spark to bead to your brain. My grief was born
in the wrong time, my grief an old soul, grief re-
incarnate. My grief, once a black-winged
beetle. How I find every excuse to indulge it, like a child
given quarters. In the restaurant, eating alone,
instead of interrogating my own
solitude, I’m nearly undone by the old
woman on her own. The window so filthy,
it won’t even reflect her face, which must not be the same
face she sees when she dreams
of herself in the third person.