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Every day I am born like this—
No chingues. Nothing happens
for the first time. Not the neon
sign that says vacant, not the men
nor the jackals who resemble them.
I take my bones inscribed by those
who came before, and learn
to court myself under a violence
of stars. I prefer to become demon,
what their eyes cannot. Half of me
is beautiful, half of me is a promise
filled with the quietest places.
Every day I pray like a dog
in the mirror and relish the crux
of my hurt. We know Lilith ate
the bones of her enemies. We know
a bitch learns to love her own ghost.

More by Erika L. Sánchez

Saudade

In the republic of flowers I studied
the secrets of hanging clothes I didn't
know if it was raining or someone
was frying eggs I held the skulls
of words that mean nothing you left
between the hour of the ox and the hour
of the rat I heard the sound of two
braids I watched it rain through
a mirror am I asking to be spared
or am I asking to be spread your body
smelled like cathedrals and I kept
your photo in a bottle of mezcal
semen-salt wolf’s teeth you should have
touched my eyes until they blistered
kissed the skin of my instep for thousands
of years sealed honey never spoils
won’t crystallize I saw myself snapping
a swan's neck I needed to air out
my eyes the droplets on a spiderweb
and the grace they held who gave me
permission to be this person to drag
my misfortune on this leash made of gold

Erika L. Sánchez

2017

Six Months After Contemplating Suicide

Admit it—
you wanted the end

with a serpentine
greed. How to negotiate

that strangling
mist, the fibrous

whisper?

To cease to exist
and to die

are two different things entirely.

But you knew this,
didn't you?

Some days you knelt on coins
in those yellow hours.

You lit a flame

to your shadow
and ate

scorpions with your naked fingers.

So touched by the sadness of hair
in a dirty sink.

The malevolent smell
of soap.

When instead of swallowing a fistful
of white pills,

you decided to shower,

the palm trees
nodded in agreement,

a choir
of crickets singing

behind your swollen eyes.

The masked bird
turned to you

with a shred of paper hanging
from its beak.

At dusk,
hair wet and fragrant,

you cupped a goat's face

and kissed
his trembling horns.

The ghost?

It fell prostrate,
passed through you

like a swift
and generous storm.

Erika L. Sánchez

2015

Departure

Oh, my needy pocket, the crooked
tunnel that is not, in fact,
a tunnel. You have brought me
joy. You have brought me.
Who am I to question? First—
Chill—Then Stupor—Then
the evacuation. And
a man with a stained shirt.
My legs spread. Are you sure?
he asked. Yes, I said.
Will she come back? Will she
come back? Will she come
back? Will she come back? Will
she come back? Will she
come back? Will she come
back? Will she come back? Will
she come back? Will she come
back? Will she come back? Will
she come back? Will she—I
heard it all—the jar of me. I put
on my pants and gave thanks. I
held my grief like two limp
tulips. What am I allowed to
have? I’m still
here. I’m still hers. I’m
still a body licked by stars.
My eyes always drawn
to the groveling. Bless
these burnt wings. Bless.
Would I do it again?
Yes. Yes. Yes.

Erika L. Sánchez

2021

Related Poems

Losing the Narrative

A shattered bottle tore through my hand last month and split

a vein until every finger was purple and I couldn’t

make even a tentative fist. I used the other hand to indicate

I’m okay.

How unwise I am, how polite in a crisis.

In triage, an overheard photo of someone’s lover

almost 3000 miles west made me seize with longing

when I spied a palm tree in the background.

I understand what it says about me

that my body lustfully wishes to place itself where it was never safe.

I have put enormous energy into trying to convince you I’m fine and

I’m just about there, no?

Besides, decades on, poorly healed bones help me to predict rain!

though it’s true I like to verify weather

with another source because I tend not to believe myself.

I’ve been told repeatedly that I don’t understand plot but

it would be a clever twist, wouldn’t it, if in the end

I realize it’s me who does me in.

Lynn Melnick

2017

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Poems

All of Us

More by Erika L. Sánchez

Saudade

Six Months After Contemplating Suicide

Departure

Related Poems

Losing the Narrative

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