Dear Mr. Gander,
My name is Abhinav and I am a junior at Edina High School, MN and I am writing to you about your poem “The Conversation”. In AP US Literature this year, my teacher Ms. Benson had asked us to write a letter to a poet whose works resonated with us the most. At first, I was a bit skeptical about this assignment because poetry was always a form of writing that I lacked extensive knowledge of, making it hard for me to fully appreciate or understand the message behind most poems. When asked to “close-read” a poem individually, I would often stare at the
poem in frustration and confusion, being unable to understand anything. However, when reading your poem “The Conversation,” I had a very different response. Not only was I able to quickly comprehend the language used, but I was also able to quickly make conclusions about what I thought was the focus and purpose of the poem. The simplistic wording of this poem allows readers of all backgrounds to connect with the insightful message of the poem, and at the same time, the lack of clarity provided through the vague diction creates a wide variety of possible interpretations.
To start, I was intrigued by the theme of suspense that had already emerged within the first line of the poem. Starting from the title itself, it became clear that the main focus of this poem was a conversation, but I didn’t know who was part of the conversation and why they were having it. Questions already began to emerge in my mind: who was he (line 1) and why was he being interrupted by a woman? The blurry word choice didn’t surprise me, but soon I would realize that a seemingly straightforward poem like this is extremely meaningful and can be interpreted in so many ways. My initial thought was that this was a conversation between two parents and their son, but I couldn’t quite understand the situation of the poem. The informal reference of the son as “the boy”(5) made me instantly think of tension. Most parents wouldn’t refer to their son as a boy unless they were annoyed at them or frustrated towards them, so I initially hypothesized that the relationship between the son and his parents was strained. However, after spending more time with the poem, I specifically noticed that the mother was characterized as having a strict tone and that the father seemed to be more relaxed. The mom was “telling [the father] something / to say, not to say,”(3-4) and so she was the one dominating the conversation. I also noticed a change in point of view after she was given the phone. Up to this point, the conversation was shown in the perspective of the parents, but near the end, I believe that you implicitly yet elegantly shifted perspective to focus on the son. You write that he expects to feel resentment (10), which further suggests that there is some form of tension between his mother and him, but he ends up experiencing a feeling of tenderness (12), showing that familial love and bonds will always prevail over any tension or disagreement felt between family members.
This poem resonated with me because it shows the power of familial love and expresses a mood of gratitude. Throughout the poem, it feels like there is tension between the mother and the son, starting from the mother’s decision to not talk to him directly but instead use his father as a messenger, her reference to her son as “the boy,”(5) and finally her son’s expectation of feeling resentment towards her (10). In my life, there have been many times where my mother and I have disagreed or been mad at each other, but no matter what conflicts we have, the “primordial upwelling of tenderness”(12) always emerges. The endless arguments about phone usage, cleaning my room, and not making a mess in the house will never last longer than our heartwarming bond and the cheerful moments that we have shared together. On another note, after doing some research, I learned that your wife unexpectedly passed away in 2016 and that your son was devastated by the loss (as most would be). Was this poem meant to reminisce the moments that you shared with your wife and possibly highlight some regrets you may have, such as the resentful attitude you may have felt because of her constant interruptions? Were you trying to emphasize the idea that family members should cherish the time they have together instead of having conflicts about the smallest things? This information gave me a very meaningful takeaway from the poem. I believe that, as mentioned above, you wanted to show the significance of being grateful for family, but at the same time, you want to stress the importance of not taking conflicts between family members too seriously. I agree with the idea that a feeling of tenderness (12) should always be greater than resentment (10) in a family. The time you have with loved ones is finite, and so wasting your time on miniscule arguments like “what music to play in the car” seems irresponsible to say the least.
Simply put, the poem was insightful yet touching. I loved the simplicity of the poem’s structure. Rather than using complex diction or peculiar syntax, you chose to keep the dialogue of the poem relatively straightforward. This choice is amazing because it makes the poem appeal to readers of all ages and backgrounds. However, at the same time, you were able to instill a thoughtful meaning within the work as a whole, and so I really appreciate your efforts. Not only did your poem teach me about the importance of maintaining positive familial bonds and to value forgiveness over resentment, but it also instilled a newfound love for poetry within me.
Sincerely,
Abhinav
