The Surface

Sudden cold or the sudden sense of having been cold for a long time

He said he was getting back some things that had been lost like what

Love oh great looking out across the river he wouldn’t meet my eyes either

Something flashed up and fell back down into the water there look no

I told him about the time I saw them feeding the crowd up out

Of the dark water of paler mouths opening closing like what

Getting the strength to say lost he was beautiful the play

Of that muscle I make you tense don’t I just under the tan skin of his jaw

I keep coming back to the surface that river your wrist I must have

Pressing my mouth I can’t look at your hands thinking of how you

Touched me hurt you a lot love like what those memories

Saying you’re wearing mallard colors after I chased to frighten

For no reason the ducks because I can’t stand still enough if I could

I would be so still you would think I would never hurt you

Screaming what was her last name what was her name

The wind-scarred surface of the water

What I'm not allowed to feel what I’m not allowed to say pressing up

As though feeding my heart is everywhere under my skin

And rising up to the surface of the water clenching and unclenching

The thick grey muscle the dense shoal of fish brought to just beneath

The surface the grotesque bouquet of their rapidly blossoming and

Shutting the crowd but as if behind glass so there was no sound

Of people screaming I feel helpless and cold saying please believe

I did not mean to hurt you you could say that to me too in Orphée

The poet presses against the mirror which wavers like water which lets him in