OBIT [Music]

Music—died on August 7, 2015. I made

a video with old pictures and music for

the   funeral.    I   picked   Hallelujah   in

acapella. Because  they  weren’t  really

singing, but  actually crying.  When  my

children    came    into    the    room,    I

pretended   I   was   writing.   Instead   I

looked at my mother’s old photos.  The

fabric  patterns  on  all  her  shirts.  The

way she held her hands together at the

front of her body.   In each picture,  the

small brown purse  that now sits under

my desk.   At the funeral, my brother-in-

law    kept   turning   the   music    down. 

When  he  wasn’t  looking,  I  turned  the

music  up.    Because  I  wanted  these

people  to  feel  what  I  felt.    When  I

wasn’t   looking,    he   turned   it   down

again.   At the end of the day, someone

took  the  monitor  and  speakers  away. 

But the music was still there.  This was

my first understanding of grief.