I Rest My Case

Honey Bell-Bey performs “I Rest My Case.”

You know, it’s really way past time that we come up with some type of mantra, 
some type of contractual agreement, 
There’s got to be a way that you do someone that you love, 
or some process at least where you can file a grievance 
when you grieve someone that you love…
Hey, wait a minute, can I file a grievance on self?
can I tell the judge that I was the one stealing my own spiritual wealth? 
Can I really file a grievance on me? 
If I could, it would go a little something like this… 
“your honor, I have failed to give honor to this your queen, your honor.” 
“I have treated her poorly and tried to intoxicate 
over some of the things that harmed her, your honor.
She’s tried to ignore some of the things that she’s seen and not seen your honor!”
Since I’m talking about self, I’m not suggesting that you throw the book, but I’m speaking on her behalf and finally she’s taking a real thorough look. 
She’s tired, don’t want to fight no more, don’t want to make herself last.
Can’t love self while looking at a hated past. 
She’s tried to fuel it with food and tried to fuel it with a fool,
even her own punishment was unusual and cruel.
“Your honor, this might be a little nontraditional, 
but is mandatory to my destiny that I complete this ritual, 
see I’m arresting myself, see I’m arresting me, 
because I’m already connected with the jailer,
 but He made me free, that means that I hold the key! 
“Your honor, this queen is guilty of not loving me, your honor, see this queen is guilty of not giving this queen honor…. your honor!” 
So my deposition needs to go a little something like this ... the self-hate and destiny can’t coexist
I’m in some type of spiritual warfare and I’m the one struggling to exist, 
will gladly enlist 
the one who did persist 
joining the enemy‘s lines,
but its finally way beyond time. 
There will be no queen left behind! 
“Yeah, I know she’s guilty as charged of the spiritual disregard 
the reckless dishonor, of God’s chosen daughter that she purposely dishonors.” 
and since I’ve come this far, I guess it’s time for me to finally Get honest
Letting go of the victim mentality and getting some real peace and solace 
It’s time to really get into creation and demolish your honor 
in case it’s any question of my guilt, I’d like to submit into evidence...
“Exhibit A”- I have the power but in trouble did not fast and would not pray.
“Exhibit B”- She went days with no food, worry, no sleep,
“Exhibit C”- Dated an abuser with no capacity to love me 
“Exhibit D”- Dined with depression and made a cozy pallet within me 
“Exhibit E”- Days she didn’t eat, body thinking it was starving me 
“Exhibit F”- Introvert, putting real friendships to the test 
“Exhibit G”- “Guilty!”
Your honor, before I rest my case
before the defense rest, before the plaintiff rests, 
before I rest this case, I’m asking you to please arrest this case,
 and arrest this very place, because there’s no present and there is no past 
because there’s no prison for the person who makes the choice to be free 
and there’s no way in hell that I am going to live another day 
not loving me…
I rest my case.

Copyright © 2019 Honey Bell-Bey. Used with permission of the poet.