World harbors much I'd like to fit inside that the parameters preclude me from. I'm the desire to have had a say. I'm the desire to be left alone amid brochures for Europe's best hotels behind a locked door on Utopia Parkway, where Brother, crippled, rides his chariot, where Mother's all dressed up and going nowhere. Together, sotto voce, we count hours, fuss over newsprint, water down the wine. When I was shorter, we were all divine. When I was shorter, I was infinite and felt less fear of being understood. I am the fear of being understood. I am the modest Joe who hems and haws at blond cashiers ensconced in ticket booths. Lacking the words to offer her the flowers I'd spent a fortnight locating the words to offer her, I threw the flowers at her. As penance, I entrenched you, Doll, in wood. Through your shaved bark and twigs, you stared at me. Being a woman was out of the question. Being a question caused women to wonder. How unrestrained you must feel, Wind and Water. You are the obligation, Box, to harbor each disarray and ghost. I am the author, the authored by. I am a plaything of. Who makes who Spectacle. Who gives whom Order. My father was a man who lived and died. He would commute from Nyack to New York. The woolen business had its ups and downs. How unrestrained you've become, Cage and Coffin. There is an order to each spectacle. You are the obligation, Wind, to sunder this relic of. Am reliquary for the off-white light of January morning. Have seen you, Fairies, in your apricot and chestnut negligees invade the mirror, tiptoe on marbles, vanish from the scene. Am reliquary for what World has seen. I'm the ballet of wingspan, the cracked mirror. Canary's coffin. Sunshine breaking through.
I carry myself out into the rainswept blur.
I lift my pleasant voice over the coming flood.
I have nothing to do that I’m going to do.
I keep meaning to purchase a dog. I keep waiting
to email you back. When I see you again will
I know who you are? Once I wove you a mask
of rattan and hair. Once I carved you a mask
of painted wood. I brushed my wooden leg
against your wooden leg. We had learned to imitate
each other’s breath. When I see you again will
you know who I am? Will you place your words back
into my open mouth? Once I held you for years
in the stones of my eyes. You were an ineluctable act of God.
Into the drainage ditch we hurled our toys.