I closed the book and changed my life and changed my life and changed my life and one more change and I was back here looking up at a blue sky with russets and the World was hypnotic but it wasn't great. I wanted more range, maybe, more bliss, I didn't know about bliss. Is bliss just a rant about the size of the bowl? The trance was the true thing, no, the rant, no, the sky, now, that icy whiteness.
I saw the body of the jack fruit fall. I saw the body of the hero fall, his armor clanging on his body. Then the juice and sutras of the little spell of emptiness or the greater discourse of seed and ovary. I saw the place ransacked to find a substitute for the succulents—the lychee, the peach, the flower infolded in the fig—that give up their season, their nation, [mango, American pumpkin] the famous fated beauty/terror rift before the swoon of the future. I saw that luscious rot. I saw first thieves then police toss that place. I loved that part. This is the farewell, the flailing without the salt. This is the brood in place of a bowl of fruit, the fret in place of a hero’s rage in his tent before he remembers to sleep, eat, regret. I saw how the light scratches into all the surfaces, how the air agitates. Then the virtuoso work of the one-celled begins to mortify and multiply the world, as if it were doing nothing, so much done by doing nothing. I live in a sorrow culture, a pleasure culture, a culture frothy with grievance, yeasty with nostalgia. I live in a pre-war, post-war culture where what is written is pulped and vectored like a virus. Ashen light, clouds of sulfuric acid, signatures of lightning: this could be the planet Venus where love is adored and scorned, life is sentimental, life is 400 dollars or more. It froths. It foams like a god in the ocean. On this planet I saw flights of sparrows and hooded crows. There’s gratuitous beauty, unwarranted, immoderate beauty as an agent to oblivion. This blue, this curvature, this Rome— a further way to forgo. Because no one else will, reader, remember the things spirited away. Remember those hustling, those surrendered, those breathing then not. The spectacle makes us forget. I forgot the shape and color of the cup and the tear-gas canister. I forgot about the occupation and the middle passage when I saw the sea’s glint and green muscly swells. Beholding is a kind of blindness. History smells as the body becomes a bubbling godhead. What separates the curds and whey? What allows me to enter, through the small door, this faltering conversation?