Dear Grace Cavalieri 2020
As part of the 2020 Dear Poet project, students around the country and the world wrote letters to Grace Cavalieri in response to a video of her reading her poem “Safety” aloud. Grace Cavalieri wrote letters back to eleven of these students; their letters and her replies are included below.
From Greta, Grade 11
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
My name is Greta and I am a junior at Arrowhead High School in Hartland, Wisconsin. In my composition class, my teacher Ms. Jorgensen asked me to listen to multiple poems and write a letter to the author of one of the poems which spoke to me the most. This poem “Safety” came across my list and made me think about aspects of my life that I can relate to.
“Safety” made my mind wander to ideas I have not thought about. It inspired me to think beyond the present and onto the past and also about upcoming events and how those events can impact my future. This poem is a true inspiration that all of life's crazy events tie together to create one story. The story that makes a mark in my life.
When I was a child, my grandparents told me a story of how they met. They said “you never really know what you are missing in life until you find it.” This statement has stuck with me. I asked them questions about what they thought they needed and what they found they never knew they were missing. Both of them stated “your grandmother” or “your grandfather”. They thought the missing part of their lives were each other and when they met, they knew they were meant to be with each other.
They met their first day of college at orientation while walking back to their dorm rooms. They knew right away they were each other's missing piece. After telling me the story of how they met, they always add this: “Events in your life will lead you to become what you want to be and where you want to go.” This made me tryout for the high school tennis team, talk to people who I was scared to talk to, and start volunteering at a nursing home and then eventually work at one.
I enjoyed how you stated that “How did that yellow vest feed your soul to let you know someday you’d fly a plane just to feel the power of a strap across your chest.” This sentence sat with me after reading your poem. It made me think back to what my grandparents told me about what can take me to where I want to be. Just like your husband being a crossing guard at a junior high school and having the authority of being that position leading him to go on to become something much greater. As he flew planes through gunfire and war in extreme conditions just to see you again. This is very touching to me.
How did you become the writer you are today? Did your husband, Ken, help and guide you to be the best writer you can be? Was he an influence in your story/journey? Did you feel like you were missing a piece of your story until Ken came along?
At the end of your poem I had to think hard about what you meant by this: “Although we were young, you were 15 and I was 13, since then, I’ve never known the world without you. Now I must be 12.” I love this line. It took me a while to figure out what you meant by “now I must be 12” but then I realized that is because you did not know him when you were 12 and it relates to the present.
I am touched by your poem and inspired to write about my future and the events that I hope will lead up to writing my story. I would like to say thank you for writing such an inspirational and creative poem that truly touched my heart.
Sincerely,
Greta
Grade 11
Hartland, WI
From Ana, Grade 4
Dear Ms. Cavalieri,
My name is Ana and I am a fourth grader at P.S. 58 in Brooklyn, New York. I read your poem Safety and I thought it was terrific. The poem made me feel like Ken Flynn was protecting me because the text showed that he would help strangers. I like how deep your poem is and how each word seems to mean so much to you. For example, when the text said "Now I must be 12," I think that was very powerful because your words show how much you miss him without actually saying that. The poem expresses how important it is to keep your loved ones feeling safe and protected.
I have a few questions for you about Safety:
1) Did you purposely repeat the word "strap" both times that Ken was helping people? 2) Did many other people feel like Ken protected him?
3) If he was here during the epidemic, do you think he would have helped people? 4) When you were in 7th grade, did you look up to Ken and want to be like him?
Thank you!
Sincerely,
Ana
Grade 4
Brooklyn, NY
From Amber, Grade 10
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
Hello, my name is Amber and I am a sophomore student attending Mrs. Anderson’s class of Hackettstown High School. I read and listened to your poem “Safety.” It did not take me long to realize that this was a love and appreciation poem to your husband, Ken Flynn. This is a beautiful poem that warmed my heart. I find it compelling that you realized your love for someone when you were only in seventh grade, younger than me. I love how you described the way he “wore that wide yellow strap,” the way everyone was behaved when he was in charge. The next few lines describe him flying through dangers in order to return to your side. I can only assume that means that he grew up to be a fighter pilot in a battle at some point. I can almost feel the love and appreciation radiating off of this poem, especially in the last few lines. The lines that explain your love for him, but also the very last line. The last line makes my mind drift to the idea that he had passed away. If this is true, I’m tremendously sorry for your loss. But the way the poem is written leads me to believe that this poem is not of sadness but of the memories of your husband. That last line stating, “Now I must be 12,” after the line saying that you couldn’t live without him since you were thirteen really made me realize the meaning behind the poem.
To imagine loving someone for so long, and them sharing the same feelings for you, and then losing them must be beyond hard. To imagine love before them and being forced to relive that life can only be almost painful. I cannot say I understand the pain this must have caused, all I know is that it truly hurts. I remember when my grandmother lost her husband on my mother’s side, and when my grandfather lost his wife on my father’s side. Both seemed like their hearts were torn, they both knew their spouses since they were young. I remember they were grieving for so long, it took about a year each for them to transfer from the stages of grief to the stages of appreciation of the life they shared together. It was hard for them, and, at the time, I couldn’t really understand the complicated emotions they were experiencing. Although I could sense a small amount of grief within your poem, it is more out of your love and gratitude for his life. I know that the loss of a loved one can be brutal at first, but it slowly graduates into recognition and thanks.
This poem is something that helps open the eyes of those who never experienced the death of a loved one. It gives guidance to those who do not yet understand that death is not meant to be grieved, but to be recognized and remembered. What battle did your husband fight in? Was he always a fighter pilot or did ha have a different career? This poem gives another meaning to love. It reveals that love is also loving someone beyond their passing and remembering them through the benevolent memories of their life.
Sincerely,
Amber
Grade 10
Hackettstown, NJ
From Susanna, Grade 11
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
I loved your poem, “Safety,” especially your ability to turn the pain of losing the love of your life into something so beautiful. To be honest, when we first read your poem in class, it made me tear up.
Your concise language conveys the emotion of love and loss so clearly. Your line speaking of him “flying through gunfire and lightning” to keep coming home to you, spoke to me about how you two survived for so long literally and figuratively through the troubles that may have occurred through the years. I could see the connection between his passion for his profession, initially as a crossing guard and later a pilot, and his passion for what you two shared. The “wide yellow strap across your [his] chest” not only alludes to his passions but the protection it meant for your relationship. I viewed the strap as a symbol of the strong connection holding him to you and how he stands out as “the one” in a crowd of others. His protectiveness of you shows throughout the poem. I worry about you having to be ‘12’ again without his protectiveness. How have you relearned how to live without him anymore? What of his do you hold close to remember his protection and love?
I also would love to know even more about the connections you shared. This poem makes me happy that you were able to feel these emotions of connection and love for so long. The strong evidence of your connection makes your turn in tone all the more tragic and beautiful. The last line “Now I must be 12” holds the most emotion in just those five words. I think it may be my favorite line due to all the condensed meaning. I truly loved this poem.
Sincerely,
Susanna
Grade 11
Kansas City, MO
From Sally, Grade 7
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
My name is Sally and I am in 7th grade in Brooklyn, NY. The school that I go to is called Packer Collegiate. I enjoy reading about people’s experiences and how they shaped them to their present selves. In English class, we are choosing a poem that we like and writing to the author which is how I came across your poem. I really enjoyed reading your poem and it made me feel something that a lot of other poems did not. In the beginning, I was confused because I did not understand why you were telling this story and why you told the story of him wearing a yellow strap. Then I read the full poem to the end and it made me think of how it was like for you to be 12 again after you went through something like this. The ending is my favorite part because it wraps up the whole poem but leaving you with so many questions and wanting to reflect on your life.
I enjoyed the meaning of the poem because it made me think of how your childhood was like and how much these small moments meant to you. I understood through this poem how much you loved him even though you never said it. Especially when you say “I have never known the world without you. Now I must be 12 again” it makes me feel how much you miss him. What I got from this line was that when you were 12 you had never met him but now you have to go back to that place. You have to go back to when you did not have that safety with you and be more vulnerable. When you talk about how everyone felt safe when he was the crossing guard it is a simile for how you felt safe when he was with you. These lines are important because they bring in the poem and make you wonder but also think about your own life.
The way that you use figurative language to say how you have never known the world without him really brings the poem to life. Maybe you have to return to this place where you did know the world even though he is not alive anymore. The way you use hyperbole throughout the poem when you say no one threw a stone, the whole neighborhood would cooperate made it seem real. I bet when he did do that it felt like that to you and you were the neighborhood. He made you feel safe and you don’t know a world without him. This might not even be hyperbole and he actually did do that.
Thank you so much for letting me read this piece. The poem really made me understand you and what you have gotten through. What has your life been like after this moment? I hope that you have found this comfort in your life without him even though it must be hard for you.
Sally
Grade 7
Brooklyn, NY
From Meghan, Grade 10
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
As I finished reading your poem Safety for the first time, I couldn’t help but re-read it over and over again. Without even realizing, the suspense in your writing has captivated me. The last line of your poem “now I must be twelve” was very striking. At first, I did not know anything about the poem you wrote besides the title. It felt like an ordinary love poem told in the format of a story. Reading through your poem for the first time felt relatively straightforward; however, as I read that last line, I realized the true meaning of your poem.
It felt unusual. As you went through your beloved memories of the past, it felt strange for me to be reading what you’ve written. It felt like I was reading something private, something I shouldn’t be reading. Although it was as if I was imposing in your recollection, I couldn’t help but keep reading. This poem is heartwarming, but subtly grim as well.
The way you progressed through each specific memory was extremely fluid. It was almost as if I was in that exact moment with you. I find it amazing how you were able to efficiently express your emotions through a story with very few lines. As I was analyzing your poem, I kept thinking about how short but emotionally packed your poem is.
I constantly wondered how it would feel to be “twelve again”; to go back to a world without knowing or meeting someone immensely important. Did you find a new source of safety? Is this safety reliable? Is it as comforting as before?
Safety has helped me realize that I should cherish every moment I have. It reminds me that in life, each memory and moment is unique and will only happen once in a lifetime. Whether it be a big event or a trivial matter, I’ve learned to acknowledge all of my experiences. You never know when you may lose someone or something, so in order to have the least amount of regret, I want to be able to say that I lived out each moment of my life to the fullest.
Thank you,
Meghan
Grade 10
Arlington, MA
From Angelina, Grade 11
Dear Grace Cavalieri:
My name is Angelina and I am currently a junior in high school. I was given the opportunity to read your poem “Safety” for my English class. I was able to read other poems written by different poets, but yours resonated with me the most. I love the storyline and the connections you created throughout the poem. The way you illustrated the story of your husband in such a brief but effortless way left an impact on me. Your poem demonstrated how a work of literature could deeply affect one’s emotions and thoughts. An aspect of your poem that stood out to me was when you connected the strap that your husband wore as a crossing guard when he was young, and the seatbelt that he wore as a pilot in the army. That aspect helped me, as a reader, understand that the authority your husband felt as a crossing guard wearing that strap ultimately inspired and led him to his passion as a pilot in the army, where he was able to feel that same power and liberation. The line “flying through gunfire and lightning again and again to come back to me” illustrated the unconditional love you and your husband have for one another. It was probably my favorite line in your poem because I have a soft spot for love stories. Another element of your poem that stood out to me was the last line, “Now I must be 12.” It meant that you had to live in time without your husband. Your poem took me through a roller coaster of emotions, happy, hopeful, strong, etc. However, when I read the last line my heart sunk. It was a heartbreaking yet powerful line.
As a writer, you have the opportunity to use your platform to influence others. How do you use your platform? And what message or emotions are you trying to get across to the readers in your writings? I am not one who usually reads literature for fun or in my free time, but I am very grateful to have come across your poem “Safety.” It gave me a new outlook on how a piece of literature could make me feel. I loved every line. Thank you for writing this poem.
Sincerely,
Angelina
Grade 11
Jacksonville, FL
From Maha, Grade 7
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
My name is Maha, and I am a seventh grader in Long Island, NY. In English class, we’ve been analyzing poetry, trying to decipher its meaning through metaphors and imagery. Now we’ve been assigned to take part in Dear Poet 2020 and write a letter to a poet of our choice. I came across your poem and instantly I was hooked. The touching way you read your poem made me feel the emotion you put into this poem.
This poem relates to me because I’ve also lost people close to me in life. Thankfully, none of them have passed away, but they aren’t close with me anymore. They would stay in my life for a significant period of time, and they were the world to me. I always thought that they would be by my side no matter what, but they ended up leaving me in the end. We would drift apart after countless fights over petty things. When they left, I felt a gaping hole in my life where they used to be. Life didn’t feel quite the same without them. I ended up having to go back to a life that I believed isn’t as good as a life with them. I had to return to life without their comfort and presence with me, having to accept that people change and can’t stay forever. I thought it would be impossible to get over it, but your poem helped me realize that it is possible, and that sometimes we have to learn to let go.
When you read your poem, I really felt the emotion. And strangely enough, you seemed calm reading this, and that calmness made me feel that you have come to accept your husband’s passing (Rest In Peace). One part I absolutely love about your poem and my favorite part is the ending line when you said, “Although we were young, you were 15 and I was 13, since then, I’ve never known the world without you. Now I must be 12.” The way you read it sent chills down my spine. Really, it was a powerful and touching ending line. For me, it meant that you now had to return to your life before you met him and continue with the life you had before. Additionally, the imagery of your poem was stunning. I could almost envision his crossing guard vest transforming to the strap holding him on his pilot’s seat.
After reading your poem, I thought of a few questions: Do you find yourself at times missing your husband, more than usual? Sometimes I find myself perfectly fine without them one day, then the next day missing them so badly. How do you cope with loss? Especially heartbreaking and personal losses. Is it hard to write poems about personal experience, and how were you able to find the words to capture the feelings you were feeling?
Thank you for writing this captivating and incredible poem. After reading your poem “Safety”, I read your other works, and they are just as remarkable. Thank you for being a brilliant writer.
Sincerely,
Maha
Grade 7
Long Island, NY
From Isabella, Grade 10
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
I really connected with your poem “Safety”. After my grandfather passed I was suddenly able to remember memories of him much more vividly and with more meaning connected towards the memories. In your poem, you remember how strong your husband looked when he wore “that wide yellow strap”. When I started to analyze your poem for this letter, I immediately thought of how when my sisters and I were younger and we would visit my grandfather, we would all walk to the nearby McDonald’s for breakfast. The employees and regular customers at the McDonald’s knew my grandfather and I always felt a strong sense of pride when they would greet him and then ask how we were doing. I am so thankful that I read your poem because it helped me remember those moments with my grandfather where I looked up to him and saw him as an idol.
It took a while for me to come to terms with my grandfather’s death since it was the first death of someone that I loved that I experienced. I had to realize that, even though he was gone, I was going to feel happiness again and eventually come to terms with his death. That is why your line “Now I must be 12” stood out to me so much. It has a sad meaning in that that was a time before you met Mr. Flynn. I can understand what it is like to live in a timeline without someone and wish you could travel to a time where they were safe, and with you. That being said, the more I thought about the line “Now I must be 12”, the more I could see a happier meaning. When you were 12, you did not know Mr. Flynn. However, when you turned 13, you met him and your life was better for it. I think this line means that even if it is sad now, there will be happiness in the future that will pick you up and make your life better. Thank you for writing this poem. It helped me understand how I can remember all the good moments from a person’s life and how I can look up to them because I knew he would protect us. Your poem helped me realize that I can have the happiness I had while my grandfather was still alive without forgetting him or disregarding his memory.
Thank you,
Isabella
Grade 10
Arlington, MA
From Parker, Grade 7
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
My name is Parker, and I am in 7th grade. Out of all of the poems I read, I was able to connect to your poem the most. A personal connection I have to this poem is losing someone I really care about and finding how to live without him. I lost my grandfather almost 2 years ago, and I can relate to the feelings you created throughout the poem. It was clear from your choice of words and voice, that the poem is about your husband and how much you admired him from the moment you met him. It goes on to show how he changed your life for the better and how you realized that life would not be the same without him. I admired my grandfather and cherished every moment I spent with him. I was especially drawn to the part where you were remembering all the memories you shared. At the end of the poem when you say, "Now I am 12," it is referring to how you have to spend the rest of life without him. Your life now is a snapshot of what life would have been like if you never met him. Now I am 13, and I am spending my life without my grandfather and realizing that life is not the same without him.
Perhaps the underlying meaning is what captured my interest the most. At first, I only focused on the actual words of the poem and understanding what you were trying to convey. After digging deeper and reading it several more times, I started thinking a lot about the strap and its significance both to the poem and the connection to your life. In the poem, it represents safety and confidence because of your husband ‘s role as a crossing guard and eventually a pilot. However, I was able to see the safety of the strap from your perspective. Your husband protected you and you felt the most comfort when you were together. Now that he is gone, you have to navigate life without his comfort and strength. The safety strap is no longer there, and you now need to make and wear your own strap and build new confidence. My grandfather was the person in my family who wore the strap and protected and comforted us. Now we all have to make and wear our own strap and gain confidence and comfort he would have given us if he was still here, but he still gives us in his heart.
My teacher, Mr. Prucey, challenges us to write various pieces of writing and encourages us to look from all perspectives and connect to the deeper meaning. Thank you for sharing this touching poem and encouraging me to find my own strap of confidence and strength.
Sincerely,
Parker
Grade 7
Gibsonia, PA
From Mary Blake, Grade 10
Dear Grace Cavalieri,
Your poem, “Safety” caught my eye very quickly and I keep going back to it to analyze or relate to. It honestly might have been that the structure of the poem made it look shorter than the others, but when I read it I realized that I know the feeling you talk about. I understood the emotion in the lines, “Although we were young, you were 15 and I was 13, since then, / I’ve never / known the world without you. Now I must be 12.” You might be thinking, how could a 16-year-old have any idea of how this feels? Well, my best friend growing up isn’t my best friend anymore. Nothing traumatic and heart-breaking happened between us, but I haven’t seen him in 8 years. The last time I saw him was at the annual end of summer party in elementary school. We played wall-ball with my friend Abigail and then I said good night and jumped in my dad’s car. If someone told me that that would be the last time I saw my best friend for over 8 years, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have thanked him for sticking up for me and told him to keep in touch, no matter how old we got. A lot of time has gone by and I forgot that we were even close till my mom mentioned it was his 14th birthday and showed me a photo of him that his mother posted on Instagram. I didn’t recognize him when I saw the photo 2 years ago, so I don’t think we would even notice if we walked past each other on the street. Maybe one day I will see Turner again, but for now, he remains a memory from another life and a stranger in this one.
This poem taught me that respect doesn’t only come to those that are leaders, but to the ones who protect us. In this poem, safety comes in the physical form, where the boy is your soldier, your guard. In my life, Turner was my best friend, my first crush, and the first person I remember who looked out for me. We were both the younger siblings of the family and whenever I wanted to play with the older kids, I was normally excluded and pushed to the side. He would pick me back up and tell me something like “they are losers anyway,” or “come on let's go find the others, they want to play Mario Kart.” Whenever he would choose me over the big kids or his guy friends, he would get teased on, but he never seemed to regret his decision. I remember him as you remember the person you speak of. I respected him because he looked out for others instead of himself. This isn’t to say he wasn’t a trouble maker, because he was, he was a 7 year old boy so I don’t blame him. Although he was known for being a rebel when wanting to be, he somehow always found a way to be my crossing guard. He was the crossing guard for me and many of our other friends and that is why this line reminded me of him, “no one bruised another, caused trouble, or so much as threw a / stone—.” We respected him because he cared for me and my friends despite any problems in his life. Your school respected the boy you speak of because he resolved conflict and stuck up for what is right. He kept this respect throughout his whole life. This poem shows that respect is given to those who care, who protect, and those who leave a good memory.
Throughout the poem there are certain words that are separated from their connecting lines that show where a breath would be if reading it outloud, for example, “No one / was disobedient when you wore that wide yellow strap across / your chest— / no one bruised another, caused trouble, or so much as threw a / stone—.” There are many spaces and it makes me read the poem as if there is a lot of emotion. There is a sadness that lingers, but with that the spacing gives me a sense that there is also strength involved. The placement of the breaks makes me think of a woman telling a story, but when she tells it, she remembers him as a light. That light isn’t there anymore, but she doesn’t regret ever having it. This poem also has a theme of honor, till the end. She describes this boy as a hero and a monumental person in this junior high school. He is essential for safety and happiness. At the end, the honor isn’t disregarded, but it is no longer acknowledged. The speaker isn’t angry and disappointed with the boy, but the honor she once associated with him is gone, because he is now absent from her life. When did he become a stranger? I often think about that when I think of Turner, so now I ask you. If you saw him again, would you get a rush of security and joy, or would you walk past as if he never was the brave man in uniform that you once knew? Did you know it was the last time you said goodbye when you did and what happened to him?
Thank you for inspiring me,
Mary Blake
Grade 10
Houston, TX