Mental Health

When the bass drops on Bill Withers’ 
Better Off Dead, it’s like 7 a.m.  
and I confess I’m looking 
over my shoulder once or twice
just to make sure no one in Brooklyn 
is peeking into my third-floor window 
to see me in pajamas I haven’t washed 
for three weeks before I slide 
from sink to stove in one long groove 
left foot first then back to the window side
with my chin up and both fists clenched 
like two small sacks of stolen nickels
and I can almost hear the silver 
hit the floor by the dozens
when I let loose and sway a little back 
and just like that I’m a lizard grown 
two new good legs on a breeze
-bent limb. I’m a grown-ass man 
with a three-day wish and two days to live.
And just like that everyone knows 
my heart’s broke and no one is home. 
Just like that, I’m water. 
Just like that, I’m the boat. 
Just like that, I’m both things in the whole world 
rocking. Sometimes sadness is just 
what comes between the dancing. And bam!, 
my mother’s dead and, bam!, my brother’s 
children are laughing. Just like—ok, it’s true 
I can’t pop up from my knees so quick these days 
and no one ever said I could sing but 
tell me my body ain’t good enough 
for this. I’ll count the aches another time, 
one in each ankle, the sharp spike in my back, 
this mud-muscle throbbing in my going bones, 
I’m missing the six biggest screws 
to hold this blessed mess together. I’m wind-
rattled. The wood’s splitting. The hinges are
falling off. When the first bridge ends,
just like that, I’m a flung open door. 

The new aspirin is a blue-blooded Burberry model
With an Oxford classics degree, but my migraine
Flares beneath a canopy of melanoma-blurring sun
What pains me is the plain human tangle on the L.I.E.
And feeling the tricyclics fail me beneath the canopy of melanoma-blurring sun
And the long pressed-out El Greco bodies stretched
Liked colorless taffy in the studio and At the Night the States Have Ruined Me.
Steroid weight gleams off my heart like a chubby Aaron Basha jewelry foot
A poem that says “Reinvent the vomitorium!”
And At Night the States have ruined me. I can persuade him
To be alive and living in hotel rooms is dehumanizing.
Inside of this I’m passing out
From bravery, dyspepsia, the Boy with an Arab Strap
In fluttering tremolo, the way an air of tremor lives in some bordeauxs but
Like the Hamptoms rising from the pollutions mist—
Something so Anglo-Saxon refusing to die or bonnet its frailty
In layers of preservatives. Please somebody peel me dreamlessly aback
To inhabit fleshly then brittle climates like a Giacometti fever dream