My Father’s Daughter 

by McKenna Niemer
 
My father is good at everything.
He taught me how to change a tire 
When I was young.
“My sweet pumpkin pie”
He called to me
“Do you want to learn how to use a lug wrench?”
If my father can change a tire
So can I.
 
My father is good at everything.
He taught me how to cook meals for three
For when he was away.
“My sweet pumpkin pie”
He would say
“Come help me knead the dough
While I chop the onions.”
If my father can feed a family
So can I.
 
My father is good at everything.
He taught me how patience can fix anything.
Sometimes I would be so angry with myself I couldn’t see straight.
“My sweet pumpkin pie”
He called me 
As he held me.
Even when I had calmed down
He held me still.
If my father can be patient through anger
So can I.
 
My father is good at everything.
He taught me how to write a eulogy.
He has had a lot of practice these past few years-
Both parents, two brothers, one nephew and three best friends. 
He keeps it light and he always maintains his composure.
“My sweet pumpkin pie”
My father writes to me
“Will you read my mother’s eulogy and make sure it sounds okay?”
They are always beautiful.
If my father can sum up a life
So can I.
 
 
My father is good at everything
But try as I might
I cannot always be like my father.
Unlike my father
I find myself struggling to handle my self-destructive thoughts.
Unlike my father
I have what they like to call “suicidal tendencies”.
But I like to think of it more as a personal failure to cope
Because unlike my father
I do not love myself.
But I do love my father
And some days
It is only the thought of him being incapable of
Changing a tire
Feeding my family
Being patient through anger that keeps me 
From stepping over the edge.
Because my father could not say goodbye
To his sweet pumpkin pie
And deliver one of his beautiful eulogies 
If I were to end my life. 
And if my father cannot do it
Neither can I.