The Musket1
by Alexandra Biedenbach
has been in my face before
He held it there hands steady eyes steady
would have shot me I know it I
knew it
and Ive been a killer have killed will kill for
money and work and god but not a killer
of men. this killers hands shake now reaching to hold whats been in my face
before. Loaded?
came to report the wind the
good wind made for god to be a killer of men
didnt come to hold it and to see it loaded
Loaded.
He’s sleeping now and talking behind the door dreaming of
how deep thirty men might sink how fast their breath would rise
they dont matter have never mattered not to Him
He would see them die and I die and Himself die if he needed
them to die for his dream to be real
irresistible Man with lightning skin and bone limb even I who knows it I
who knew it
would let you put it in my face again but
it is Loaded in my hands now shaking
if I chain Him to the floor will he scream the kind of scream that
breaks bone and will alike
too weak for that too weak to listen to the kind of scream that becomes a killer
of sleep and a killer of men I cannot then
Im alone I know it I
knew it from the first day and now nothing is there
but oceans two and god one
and Him and I
away from laws but His away from land but His
drifting no other way to do it
Is heaven a murderer when its lightning strikes a
would-be murderer in his bed 2
the sheets becoming skin the skin becoming a memory
And would I be a murderer, then if
pressing the barrel against the door His
head just there
Ive been a killer have killed will kill for
money and work and god but never before a killer
of men
god is a killer of men and I with
A touch would
Live and see my wife my son my Mary my Boy
forgotten by Him who never remembers anything but god and revenge
Shall I? Shall I?
I
came to report the wind the
good wind made for god to be a killer of men
but not I
1Chapter 123 of Hermin Melville’s classic Moby-Dick in which the First-Mate, Starbuck after being threatened by Ahab, goes to the captain’s cabin to find him asleep, takes the loaded musket which had been used to threaten him, and debates on whether or not he should kill Ahab himself, and save everyone aboard the ship. Ultimately, Starbuck cannot bring himself to do the deed, resulting in the deaths of all but one aboard this ship. Starbuck’s monolog is within this chapter, translated into poetic form. Though Moby-Dick was written in 1851, the fear that Starbuck has for an entrancing leader who threatens the safety of all around him as well as his inability to take action are still very real and relevant topics to this day.
2A direct quote from Chapter 123 of Moby-Dick all italicized lines are direct quotes from this chapter.