Before I Sleep

by Kerenn Irias

I wonder when I will stop trying
to look like the woman on the Domino cover
who probably gets her hair done in Soho
who looks long and skinny in the same corduroy slacks
that suffocate my thighs
I wonder when I will tell the girls at work
No, I don't want to go to brunch. I have rice and beans
leftover from my husband-less dinner
maybe I’ll be brave enough to admit
a twenty-dollar salad is overpriced anyways
and I wonder if my hair will fall off 
from how much I keep pressing the curls out
between hot iron plates, praying that they’ll forget
what they’re supposed to look like
I wonder if I’ll ever wake up.