Posing for a crisis
by Alex Bravo
If a rat ingests a certain toxoplasma, it loses its fear of cats. This is not an accident: the plasma needs a cat to reproduce, so the rat becomes unusually attracted to the scent of cat urine, throwing itself closer to it like a sacrifice. This is a survival strategy to ensure the toxoplasma completes its life cycle.
A bar plays two records: one electronic, one unplugged. The former turns it into a club: all-consuming, all-arousing, strangely militaristic (and sexier for it!). It reeks of latex and sweat. Blurry borders between bodies. But with the latter it’s just a speakeasy with wood trim, the dim light in soft-focus: closer to real but holding something back.
The Rat, fighting to stay off the toxoplasma, drives out to the bar. The bar has stopped playing that first record. They try not to. A glass wall opens to a view without many lights. Rat tries to eat right, picks at the olives. Shutting his eyes
is like immigration. He stays from certain trails around town. He belongs to a new country. But what is that, is it that old music again? The aftertaste of euphoria? So I watch Rat hold onto his fear, militant, try to not sacrifice himself: but cut to
a night after and now I, too, have become a Sexy Rat, hearing the club emanate from the unplugged furniture, posing for a crisis of cat urine in latex. No orders given but I follow anyway. The border between my body and my body is blurry. I might be consumed. I am almost aroused
to throw myself onto the counter like a sacrifice for the camp. Is this the right place? How are they keeping the lights up? This is a survival strategy. The bar now
plays neither record, just Bill Evans: “My Foolish Heart.” I write poems on napkins in the back. I’m not supposed to have anymore! The last time I saw The Rat he was supposed to be drinking at home but he’s returned. He asks,
Is the poison in you too? He says, It’s like Groundhog Day, I feel like this is it! He asks, What is the chance I will wake up on the floor and this song does not exist?
I leave the light on. I try to eat right. I want my life.