Home Buried
by Ashley Christian
I grew up all hot and dark hurricane,
watch-me-through-your-screen-door destruction,
I grew up all destruction,
family name for no family, no name
for years of sirens sounding off inside me,
I grew up all inside me,
frozen in funnel, deconstructing home,
body, other ways I’d never hear I’m sorry,
I grew up always sorry,
putting down sandbags for myself,
searching for refuge on the roof of me,
I grew up always searching for
you, so woman I didn’t even know what it meant yet,
hands detangling my hair, dismantling my family, searching
for pink perfume, bottle lost in your mess of a purse,
I grew into a mess of a woman
searching for a home buried at the bottom of your bag,
hot and dark and so much like you it hurts
to know I carry you in me, and you carry her in you,
it hurts that I grew up, all ugly me, tangled disaster,
woman you’ll never even know, to be just like you.