by Estefany Valera
To love you is to quite literally love the darkest parts of myself.
I have seen you crave to be held,
always the follower and never the leader.
Always eating the silhouettes of others in envy.
Always feeding negative self-talk, insecurities, and greed but never being fed.
You starve for attention.
I want to hold you up
to the light.
Where you can be seen like you long to be,
like you swore you’d be. By any means necessary.
To love you is to accept my mistakes.
To forgive and relieve me of the burdens left by impulsive decisions I made.
I’ve softened my ego, unclenched my jaws, and shed off dead skin for you.
The way to higher ascension has always been by loving you.
With every step closer to the sun, you grow bigger.
I forgive myself- forgive you- for taking so long to realize this.
It took us too long to learn of the violence and the trauma that runs
through these streams.
Our bloodline is stained with murder and miscarriages- our male
ancestors murdered while our femme ancestors suffered in silence.
It took even longer to learn the limpiezas, the passing of protection spells,
and unconditional love from our matriarch.
We thrive with divine support from our spirit guides, ancestors, and
We are resistance, resilience, and reclamation in flesh.
I vow to honor my ancestral knowledge, to honor my intuition, honor you.
To make space for our presence and
may we take up as much of it as possible.
My shadow, you are loved.
Though you make my palms salivate
and my chest contort- I am patient.
The sage will not burn out this time.
The palo santo will not burn out this time.
I will not burn out this time.