Spinach Lasagna
by Cassandra Leone
You turn the crank on the pasta machine slowly
with one hand & the other gently cradles the noodle
as it rolls out in a delicate ribbon. Together we lay
them in floured sheets on a dish. They are long & thin
like I am. Like you said of my torso & legs in bed
the night before. Where afterwards I rolled on my side
with relief you could never know the depths of. You
are helping me layer the fresh pasta between bechamel
& tomato & spinach ricotta. We taste each bowl of filling
as we go. I lick my fingers & I think of being long & thin. I
look at your fine hands & imagine the way they’ll cup
my hips later. The apartment fills with the rich smell
of garlic and caramelized parmesan. When it’s done cooking
we let it rest & you kiss my neck in the kitchen. We are
barefoot. Tenderness, I think, is not what I deserve. & I cut
into the lasagna. I put a big helping into a bowl
for you. It steams up the silver of the fork. I cut a sliver
for myself while you sit down at the table. I take a bite
while still standing so you can see I’ve eaten some. Yes,
I eat dinner with practiced deception. That same focused
poise with which you prepared our meal is how
I’ll attenuate. This is not such a big lie, I tell myself. Before bed,
I'll go to the kitchen & eat two almonds & a date. Just
enough to make love to you. To mathematically estimate
the amount of myself that is allowed to have value
in space. Because the best meal is over & over & over
the one that will smell & kiss & run his hands
up my slender body & call me small.