Every Night

by Lisa Nelson Raabe





He attaches himself to the device overnight

7 hours with 1/2 hour prep and 45 minute clean up

roughly an 8 hour shift

every night

no holidays or personal time off

exactly 8.25 hours x 7 nights a week

52 weeks a year

and at this point x 2



in between

no coffee

no tea

no alcohol and no, and no to

a bit of the joy and the pushing into

the lifting up of edges and contrasts



He is still he

a bit less and a bit more

a bit of just this, just now

He is

that’s the point

and because



He now with the loss of function

of fluid flow

of discrimination and separation

of kidney-homeo-stasis



He is a connection to the machine

and after 104 weeks x 7

of 2 liters x 728 nights

of 1,456 liters and 6,022.5 hrs or so

there is a certain rhythm to it



a certain cadence to the pulsing and whir

a certain continence in box by box

the yellow tape removed

the plastic case of Dialysate becoming

the resulting refuse of regeneration



the hundreds of liters

and thousands of hours

an infusion of life

exchanging the used

for the about to be



an ocean of so far so good

a lilting of letting go

an ebb and flow of acceptance

buoyed up by the sea of being

resting deeply within himself





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