debt ritual: grain

by Katie Naughton

with debt owed to Roland Barthes “The Grain of the Voice”

I never wanted money anyway I wanted
which money seems to have
its own texture
not the texture everything else has
like you can pay for thought-
fulness that smooths
what you want to be smooth and
makes particular what you want
to pay for
to make money life-
like but like life that’s money-
singled out and beautiful
which makes art
a problem
confused with money
me too
it seems having
a textural pleasure
written into wanting
patterns of light and shadow
on the faces of people
from some other
time or place put
to film or
imagination or memory
coming out of a dark room
onto the street in the middle of a work day
in an expensive city
and believing
a way to feel this
the grain in money
as a grain in money
my voice my hand
the lemon the leather the light
I bought I wrote
to place myself
to make a name

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