1.
There is the alphabet of hope
and the alphabet of despair.
The alphabet of despair
with its three-letter diseases.
The alphabet of hope
with its three-letter cures.
2.
The alphabet of despair
led me to a man
toxic to himself, poisoned
by his body. A man
with HIV fearing
CMV. With PCP fearing
MAI. A man reciting
the alphabet
like a prayer: AZT, ddI
ddC. A man
in despair of AZT.
with thinning hair
and cheeks, afraid
of flowers, unwashed fruit.
He has bright purple
lesions, a white
tongue of hair.
3.
This poem is for John Maresca,
with his box of leather goods
and sequined dresses—
forever mingling hope and despair.
He got the MFA,
the mother fucking AIDS.
From Rodent Angel (New York University Press, 1996) by Debra Weinstein. Copyright © 1996 by Debra Weinstein. Used with the permission of the author.