it is you who leaves. So I set out 
to read for signs of imminence, 
the same river twice stepped in.
Morning rises gently on the harbor;
our letters come disguised as life. 
We know the score but fracture 
on fact. We sign a dotted line 
made out of promise—the pipes 
in November clanging on with heat,
the window left at night a little open. 
I love you; then what? Hands 
suddenly alive. I plead with time, 
adamant, remorseless. So we begin 
in earnest; what then? I plead 
with time, adamant, remorseless.
Hands suddenly alive. I love you; 
then what? The pipes in November 
clanging on with heat, the window 
left at night a little open. We sign 
a dotted line made out of promise—
we know the score but fracture 
on fact. Our letters come disguised 
as life; morning rises gently on 
the harbor. So I set out to read 
for signs of imminence, the same 
river twice stepped in. One way 
or another, it is you who leaves.

My parents took me to Red Lobster to tell me they were getting a
divorce. Parents always take you to Red Lobster when they need to
tell you something awful and important, like failure. They figure if
they’re going to ruin a restaurant for you, it should be somewhere
lame, like Red Lobster or Olive Garden. We went to Red Lobster.
They couldn’t bring themselves to say anything. I was confused. My
brother, visiting, offered to tell me. He told me. I didn’t take it well.
To calm me down, he tried to read “Macavity: The Mystery Cat” to
me while I was throwing things. He ruined it. We were supposed to
ruin Red Lobster. I tried to break a toy school bus that he had given
me but it was too well made and solid wood so I gave up. It’s not
that I don’t want to be your mom, it’s that I don’t want to be anyone’s
mom. You can call me Phyllis and we can work on being friends. When I get back. My father hired a housekeeper. She wasn’t a good cook but she made a lot of Mexican food, which I liked. The first time
she made albondigas, my father thought it was matzo ball soup
made by a crazy person. He accused her of being a crazy person.
He raised his voice and gripped the edge of the table to keep his
hands down, so that was ruined for me as well. She should have left
but she didn’t, she stuck around until my future stepmother entered
the competition for the slot in the kitchen and won. They took me
to Red Lobster to let me know they were getting married. I had
popcorn shrimp and nodded along. My mother sent me a postcard
with a picture of the Eiffel Tower, telling me how great things were.
It had domestic postage.

When the doctor suggested surgery
and a brace for all my youngest years,
my parents scrambled to take me
to massage therapy, deep tissue work,
osteopathy, and soon my crooked spine
unspooled a bit, I could breathe again,
and move more in a body unclouded
by pain. My mom would tell me to sing
songs to her the whole forty-five minute
drive to Middle Two Rock Road and forty-
five minutes back from physical therapy.
She’d say, even my voice sounded unfettered
by my spine afterward. So I sang and sang,
because I thought she liked it. I never
asked her what she gave up to drive me,
or how her day was before this chore. Today,
at her age, I was driving myself home from yet
another spine appointment, singing along
to some maudlin but solid song on the radio,
and I saw a mom take her raincoat off
and give it to her young daughter when
a storm took over the afternoon. My god,
I thought, my whole life I’ve been under her
raincoat thinking it was somehow a marvel
that I never got wet.

More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor’s
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of Spring rains, it’s the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world’s baubles and trinkets, leave
the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I’ll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist to an open palm, I’ll take it all.

Say tomorrow doesn’t come.
Say the moon becomes an icy pit.
Say the sweet-gum tree is petrified.
Say the sun’s a foul black tire fire.
Say the owl’s eyes are pinpricks.
Say the raccoon’s a hot tar stain.
Say the shirt’s plastic ditch-litter.
Say the kitchen’s a cow’s corpse.
Say we never get to see it: bright
future, stuck like a bum star, never
coming close, never dazzling.
Say we never meet her. Never him.
Say we spend our last moments staring
at each other, hands knotted together,
clutching the dog, watching the sky burn.
Say, It doesn’t matter. Say, That would be
enough. Say you’d still want this: us alive,
right here, feeling lucky.

WHAT YOU HAVE HEARD is true. I was in his house. His wife carried a tray of coffee and sugar. His daughter filed her nails, his son went out for the night. There were daily papers, pet dogs, a pistol on the cushion beside him. The moon swung bare on its black cord over the house. On the television was a cop show. It was in English. Broken bottles were embedded in the walls around the house to scoop the kneecaps from a man's legs or cut his hands to lace. On the windows there were gratings like those in liquor stores. We had dinner, rack of lamb, good wine, a gold bell was on the table for calling the maid. The maid brought green mangoes, salt, a type of bread. I was asked how I enjoyed the country. There was a brief commercial in Spanish. His wife took everything away. There was some talk then of how difficult it had become to govern. The parrot said hello on the terrace. The colonel told it to shut up, and pushed himself from the table. My friend said to me with his eyes: say nothing. The colonel returned with a sack used to bring groceries home. He spilled many human ears on the table. They were like dried peach halves. There is no other way to say this. He took one of them in his hands, shook it in our faces, dropped it into a water glass. It came alive there. I am tired of fooling around he said. As for the rights of anyone, tell your people they can go fuck them- selves. He swept the ears to the floor with his arm and held the last of his wine in the air. Something for your poetry, no? he said. Some of the ears on the floor caught this scrap of his voice. Some of the ears on the floor were pressed to the ground.

In this archipelago of thought a fog descends, horns of ships to unseen ships, a year

passing overhead, the cry of a year not knowing where, someone in the aftermath

who once you knew, the one you were, a little frisson of recognition,

then just like that—gone, and no one for hours, a sound you thought you heard

but in waking darkness is not heard again, two sharp knocks on the door, death

it was you said but now nothing, islands, places you have been, the sea the uncertain,

ghosts calling out, lost as they are, no one you knew in life, a moon above

the whole of it, like the light at the bottom of a well opening in the iced air

where you have gone under and come back light, no longer tethered

to your own past, and were it not for the weather of trance, of haze and murk, you could

see everything at once: every moment you have lived or place you have been, without

confusion or bafflement, and you would be one person. You would be one person again.

You have to let things
Occupy their own space.
This room is small,
But the green settee

Likes to be here.
The big marsh reeds,
Crowding out the slough,
Find the world good.

You have to let things
Be as they are.
Who knows which of us
Deserves the world more?

Oh well, let’s go on eating the grains of eternity.
What do we care about improvements in travel?
Angels sometimes cross the river on old turtles.

Shall we worry about who gets left behind?
That one bird flying through the clouds is enough.
Your sweet face at the door of the house is enough.

The two farm horses stubbornly pull the wagon.
The mad crows carry away the tablecloth.
Most of the time, we live through the night.

Let’s not drive the wild angels from our door.
Maybe the mad fields of grain will move.
Maybe the troubled rocks will learn to walk.

It’s all right if we’re troubled by the night.
It’s all right if we can’t recall our own name.
It’s all right if this rough music keeps on playing.

I’ve given up worrying about men living alone.
I do worry about the couple who live next door.
Some words heard through the screen door are enough.

Hear me: Sometimes thunder is just thunder.
The dog barking is only a dog. Leaves fall
from the trees because the days are getting shorter,
by which I mean, not the days we have left,
but the actual length of time, given the tilt of earth
and distance from the sun. My nephew used to see
a therapist who mentioned that, at play,
he sank a toy ship and tried to save the captain.
Not,  he said, that we want to read anything into that.
Who can read the world? It’s paragraphs
of cloud, and alphabets of dust. Just now
a night bird outside my window made a single
plaintive cry that wafted up between the trees.
Not, I’m sure, that it was meant for me.

^{after Linda Hogan}

Nothing wants to suffer. Not the wind 
as it scrapes itself against the cliff. Not the cliff

being eaten, slowly, by the sea. The earth does not want
to suffer the rough tread of those who do not notice it.

The trees do not want to suffer the axe, nor see 
their sisters felled by root rot, mildew, rust. 

The coyote in its den. The puma stalking its prey. 
These, too, want ease and a tender animal in the mouth

to take their hunger. An offering, one hopes,  
made quickly, and without much suffering.

The chair mourns an angry sitter. The lamp, a scalded moth. 
A table, the weight of years of argument.

We know this, though we forget.

Not the shark nor the tiger, fanged as they are. 
Nor the worm, content in its windowless world

of soil and stone. Not the stone, resting in its riverbed. 
The riverbed, gazing up at the stars.

Least of all, the stars, ensconced in their canopy, 
looking down at all of us— their offspring—

scattered so far beyond reach.