Sometimes on my break
I’d take my name tag off so no one’d know to
ask anything of me—such as on the longest days
of winter break in a slowly chilling
voice reserved for
when she’d had enough my mother’d
say, “I’m not your mother”—
and I’d sprawl as she did in our living room
across the only sofa
in the Museum not
cordoned off with red arousing rope like
enormous nipple tassels of
grief and lust and read Balzac’s Lily of the Valley
under the moony
portrait of Princesse de Broglie,
an aged descendant of whom, staunch
with flirtatious guilt, asked
me at the Information Desk soon
after opening on a day
that wing was closed
for special permission to see that ancestor
she’d been told she so resembled
but whom she said she’d only
ever seen in books
framed above a defunct
mantel regal in a long, cold gown
the infinite blue
of sorrow and wealth. She is so noble as to have
four necks: start with the most conspicuous
around which gold shows
her jugular how to throb,
then take that staircase one flight down
to the throat of her wrist encircled
in a helix of a necklace of so many
pearls a mere bracelet is of
insufficient breadth to bed the many
oysters from whose recurring
nightmares out they rolled, down with which we go
one further lucent turning to ground-level
viewing of the naked
body who stood
for the Princesse that the artist could,
with the trademark accuracy of ice,
drape over a true female anatomy
that killer silk
to gaze into is to want to
drown yourself. That’s three—! then
rush all the way back up the staircase to recall
in the tremble of her feather hair clip
the retracted neck of the sub-Saharan
marabou stork in flight—
the “undertaker bird,”
so called from
behind its back for how much those cloakish wings
—the largest span of any land bird—
look like a hunched Victorian death-dealing
a cadaver. Which it is!
Tuberculosis!
Oh Princesse! Why
don’t I feel more for you?
Your early death, your blue dress everyone
wants to taste, and the restrained sadness
that droops your eyelids
as if you’re a little high or hiding
something big and willing yourself
not to scream. I want to love you, too,
but I’m too jealous
of how your opera gloves,
nonchalantly filled with
having just been to the opera, are slung
over the arm of the chair you’re leaning
on to reveal how your elongated
ungloved fingers taper
into tips so attenuated
you could pick a different
lock with each
and simultaneously enter ten different
exclusive realms of being,
unlimited by time, gravity,
birth, or money.
Reprinted from Information Desk: An Epic by Robyn Schiff. Copyright © 2023 by Robyn Schiff. Used with permission of the publisher, Penguin Random House. All rights reserved.