Violin
I had the passion
but not the stamina
nor the discipline,
no one knew how
to discipline me so
they just let me be,
Let me play along,
let me think I was
somebody, I could
be somebody, even
without the no-how.
Never cared one bit
when my bow didn’t
match the rest of the
orchestra, I could get
their notes right but
always a little beyond,
sawing my bow across
the strings, cuttin it up
even if I wasn’t valuable
even if I lacked respect
for rules of European
thought and composure.
A crescendo of trying
to be somebody,
a decrescendo of trying
to belong, I played along
o yes, I play along.
Copyright © 2020 by Nikki Wallschlaeger. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on January 28, 2020, by the Academy of American Poets.
“I had the desire—but not the technical dedication—to continue playing the violin as a young girl, and this poem is about my failure to become a classical musician. Luckily, poetry is more forgiving than learning the moods of a string instrument, and necessitates individuality—this period of my life taught me I was one of those people who was unable (or unwilling) to play along with the crowd, even when I kept up the appearance of doing so.”
—Nikki Wallschlaeger