I Never Wanted to Die
It’s the best part of the day, morning light sliding
down rooftops, treetops, the birds pulling themselves
up out of whatever stupor darkened their wings,
night still in their throats.
I never wanted to die. Even when those I loved
died around me, away from me, beyond me.
My life was never in question, if for no other reason
than I wanted to wake up and see what happened next.
And I continue to want to open like that, like the flowers
who lift their heavy heads as the hills outside the window
flare gold for a moment before they turn
on their sides and bare their creased backs.
Even the cut flowers in a jar of water lift
their soon to be dead heads and open
their eyes, even they want a few more sips,
to dwell here, in paradise, a few days longer.
Copyright © 2021 by Dorianne Laux. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on April 16, 2021, by the Academy of American Poets.
“There have been times when my life became what seemed to me, in certain dark moments, an unbearable weight, another day to be slogged through, another night to endure. And when thoughts of stepping off the edge of the world slipped in, I found that what I really could not bear was missing out on the larger narrative unwinding around me. This surprising insight seemed worthy of a poem.”
—Dorianne Laux