Evergreen

What still grows in winter?
Fingernails of witches and femmes,
green moss on river rocks,
lit with secrets... I let myself
go near the river but not
the railroad: this is my bargain.
Water boils in a kettle in the woods
and I can hear the train grow louder
but I also can’t, you know?
Then I’m shaving in front of an
unbreakable mirror while a nurse
watches over my shoulder.
Damn. What still grows in winter?
Lynda brought me basil I crushed
with my finger and thumb just to
smell the inside of a thing. So
I go to the river but not the rail-
road, think I’ll live another year.
The river rock dig into my shoulders
like a lover who knows I don’t want
power. I release every muscle against
the rock and I give it all my warmth.
                              Snow shakes
onto my chest quick as table salt.
Branches above me full of pine needle
whips: when the river rock is done
with me, I could belong to the evergreen.
Safety is a rock I throw into the river.
My body, ready. Don’t even think
a train run through this town anymore.

Credit

Copyright © 2018 by Oliver Baez Bendorf. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on January 8, 2018, by the Academy of American Poets.

About this Poem
“I wrote ‘Evergreen’ while at Vermont Studio Center a few weeks after the 2016 presidential election. The poem is not ‘about’ that, but it was inescapable context as the river gave itself over to ice a little more every day. I drafted the poem on a brown paper towel with brush and ink after laying on my back on a river rock under flurries, which, by the way, I recommend. At the edges of despair, there are so many signs of life. Bless that magic. May we all really live.”
—Oliver Baez Bendorf