Divagar
“There’s a lot of waiting in the drama of experience.”
Lyn Hejinian, Oxota
No signal from the interface except for a frozen half-bitten fruit.
Other than that, no logos. An hour is spent explaining
to the group what I’ve forgotten, to do with the mistranslation
of a verb that means driftingbut can imply deviance.
The next hour goes by trying to remember, in the back of my mind,
the name of the artist who makes paintings on inkjets.
Why I’d think of him escapes me. Now my gaze circles the yoga bun
of the tall woman in front of me. I didn’t pay $20 to contemplate
the back of her head. It’s killing me. The pillars and plaster
saints with their tonsures floating amid electronic sound waves.
At such volume they could crumble. The virgin safe in a dimly lit
niche as the tapping on my skull and the clamor of bones or killer
bees assaults the repurposed church. This is what I sought, while
in another recess I keep hearing Violeta’s “Volver a los diecisiete”
and seventeen-year-olds marching against the nonsense of arming
teachers. If I were an instrument. A bassoon. In the source language
we don’t say “spread the word.” Pasa la voz is our idiom, easily
mistaken for a fleeting voice. From the back row all I see is fingers
gliding in sync with her vocalizations. How fitting a last name
like halo. Lucky for us here time is measure and inexplicable
substance. That’s when I decide to stop fighting the city. Use it in my
favor. Speak to strangers. Demolish the construct in the performance.
Copyright © 2019 by Mónica de la Torre. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on August 23, 2019, by the Academy of American Poets.
“I was at a concert at a church in Brooklyn when I wrote most of the notes for ‘Divagar.’ I had recently read Yoshimasu Gozo's selected poems, Alice Iris Red Horse (New Directions, 2016), edited by Forrest Gander. This delirious collection of works in and on translation inspired me to try to write a piece that followed the way my thoughts and associations spun in all directions and became interconnected while I was having an ecstatic listening experience. I rarely write in these kinds of settings. In a way, I was trying out a method that would be more open and porous to my everyday experiences in NYC. Instead of seeing these as distractions, I could embrace them and fold them into my writing.”
—Mónica de la Torre