The Cause of All My Suffering
My neighbor keeps a box of baby pigs
all winter in her kitchen. They are
motherless, always sleeping, sleepy
creatures of blood & fog, a vapor
of them wraps my house
in gauze, and the windows mist up
with their warm breath, their moist snores. They
watch her peel potatoes, boil
water from the floor, wearing
a steamy gown. She must be like
Demeter to them, but, like this weather
to me, this box of pigs
is the cause of all my suffering. They smell
of invalids, lotioned. Death is over there. When I
look toward my neighbor’s house, I see
trouble looking back
at me. Horrible life! Horrible town! I start
to dream their dreams. I dream
my muzzle’s pressed
desperately into the whiskered
belly of my dead mother. No
milk there. I dream
I slumber in a cardboard box
in a human kitchen, wishing, while
a woman I don’t love
mushes corn for me in a dish. In
every kitchen in the Midwest
there are goddesses & pigs, the sacred
contagion of pity, of giving, of loss. You can’t
escape the soft
bellies of your neighbors’ calm, the fuzzy
lullabies that drift
in cloudy piglets across their lawns. I dream
my neighbor cuts
one of them open, and stars fall out, and roll
across the floor. It frightens me. I pray
to God to give me
the ability to write
better poems than the poems of those
whom I despise. But
before spring comes, my neighbor’s
pigs die in her kitchen
one by one, and I
catch a glimpse of my own face
in the empty collection plate, looking
up at me, hungrily, one
Sunday—pink, and smudged—and ask it
Isn’t that enough?
From Where Now. Copyright © 2017 by Laura Kasischke. Used by permission of The Permissions Company, Inc., on behalf of Copper Canyon Press, www.coppercanyon.org.